If our love is tragedy why are you my remedy?
by AmaranteReikaChan
Summary: He was her Doctor. He was alive. He was married. He remembered her. And most importantly, she remembered him.


**Summary: **He was her Doctor. He was alive. He was married. He remembered her. And most importantly, she remembered him.

**Disclaimer:** The characters belong to the BBC and the makers of Doctor Who. Story title taken from 'Clarity' by ZEDD feat. Foxes.

* * *

**If our love is tragedy why are you my remedy?**

As the Doctor stepped into the musty corridors of the Stormcage Containment Facility he pondered for the nth time the lack of a welcome party. The corridor was empty, no signs of a prison guard. Considering how often he frequented the place he found it peculiar he rarely saw one. Whether it was his impeccable timing or just their lack of care, he always seemed to make an entrance while they were nowhere to be seen.

Doctor River Song was no ordinary prisoner and logically, must warrant special attention. With her record and penchant for escape surely the prison would have her under constant surveillance by now. Taking into account _who_ he was thinking about he realised Stormcage had likely already attempted the instalment of a permanent guard outside cell 426. Undoubtedly, they discovered leaving a sentry in the presence of River for hours at a time was enough to drive anybody mad (and indefinitely _would_). She was wicked with her mind games. Stormcage probably decided the cost of staff counselling required as a result was not worth it.

If he was running the facility he'd ensure her cell was at least under 24 hour video observation for signs of her escape or the appearance of a blue box. He realised it probably was, and they simply didn't care (it was much less effort on their part to just let her leave).

He shrugged off all thoughts of prison guards and turned his attention to the reason he was there, the woman who was waiting for him on the other side of the bars. He grinned at her as she eyed him warily in return.

"You called, dear." He soniced her bars open with a flourish of his screwdriver.

"Yes," River spoke tersely.

The Doctor's head tilted as an eyebrow twitched up a fraction. He could tell she was holding her breath. For what reason he couldn't yet ascertain. That and the cautious step she took out the cell told him there was clearly something up.

"Where are you?"

He knew she was looking for a definitive answer, one that she'd never be able to mistake, not just a one off adventure she may or may not have been on yet. So instead of telling her of one of his more recent escapades with her he mentioned the one he knew she would always identify with.

He had a feeling that was the only answer she really wanted to know anyway. The only answer she _ever_ really wanted to know. _Are you mine yet_?

"Did Area 52 a few months ago, maybe more." He attempted pulling off an air of nonchalance. It was a pointless notion as she wasn't paying any attention and the moment he'd finished speaking she had launched herself at him.

He was so caught up in his level of coolness he didn't register her action until the point that he had been thrown back into the side of the TARDIS with a thud and her lips had locked with his.

The fear River had felt as he stepped out to greet her had faded, the worry that the Doctor she had summoned might not have known her properly yet. If that had been the case she would have without doubt been devastated. She was already off her game from the day's events and seeing another Doctor who didn't know her would have been the last straw in her breaking down.

Even knowing this she called him anyway, sent a message to his psychic paper. She wanted so badly to see him – _alive _– that it was a risk and possibility she was willing to face.

River gripped his shoulders tensely as she kissed him. After the atrocious day she'd had – or days or weeks (how she was supposed to adequately measure the time she didn't know) – there was no way she was going to let him go.

He was her Doctor. He was alive. He was married. He remembered her.

And most importantly, she remembered him.

River's grip on the Doctor's shoulders was quite painfully tight. He could feel her fingernails digging into his skin and predicted the formation of bruises in his near future.

After the shock of being pinned against his TARDIS had faded the Doctor returned the embrace. Placing his hands over her shoulders he realised she was tensing them. He quickly discovered it was her whole body that was stiff. Concerned, he tried deepening the kiss.

Then he noticed the strangest thing of all.

River's lips weren't moving. They were pressed against his with a lock similar to that of a magnet.

His eyes flew open. That was a first. And odd. So very odd. He'd come to know a few things about how she kissed, and rigidity was not one of those things.

Closing his eyes once more he decided to rectify that. He tried moving his lips against hers to rouse her to do the same. Only problem was her mouth was so firmly locked on his any attempted movement was thwarted.

That having failed he backed away. If he could separate from her just briefly he could take control. She moved with him until his head was flat against the TARDIS and no longer able to move. Apparently she wasn't going to let his lips leave hers for even the smallest of seconds.

He tried the opposite motion, leaning forward and tilting her head back to see if that would make her relax. It didn't. All it resulted in was her finally moving one hand from his shoulder to tightly clutch the back of his neck instead. Just more bruises for him them.

Seriously running out of ideas he very nearly pouted, hindered by the fact his lips _couldn't move_.

He cupped her face with his hands and started stroking his thumbs over her cheeks. Still trying to move his lips in the hopes hers would yield. Of course they didn't. If his mouth wasn't otherwise occupied he'd have let out an exasperated sigh.

Realising nothing he did was going to work, he resigned himself to simply waiting it out and letting her cease kissing him in her own time.

After what felt like an eternity with her rigidly kissing him he became quite grateful for his respiratory bypass system. God knows he'd be gasping for air otherwise. This thought led him to wonder why she wasn't. Did she have a respiratory bypass system too? It wasn't impossible, he just hadn't considered before that she might.

River finally released him. When she pulled back the Doctor saw she was panting, heavily. So maybe she didn't have a respiratory bypass system. Obviously she just really wanted to kiss him. This wasn't surprising though. Many women he met had the overwhelming desire to lock their lips with his, and she was after all his wife meaning that urge was even higher.

"Hello," he murmured, blinking the confusion from his eyes.

She smiled at him apologetically. "Sorry."

"It's fine," he replied, still blinking.

Taking her by the shoulders the Doctor guided her inside the TARDIS. As he shut the door behind him he heard the alarms of Stormcage activate. There was no doubt in his mind that was intentional. They'd waited until River was out of their reach to make any appearance of apprehending her. He knew it wouldn't be long until the guards were outside, guns pointing at the TARDIS, shouting for her to return. To no avail of course.

The Doctor stared into River's eyes searching for the explanation that he knew was hidden in there somewhere.

"Anything wrong? Or is that spoilers?"

"No," she chuckled dryly, "I really don't think so. I just left you in a muddy backyard. About to sneak off with a bride and groom."

The Doctor exhaled slowly. That certainly explained a lot. "The Pandorica."

"More than a fairytale," she breathed. "Unfortunately."

Without warning River slammed a clenched fist to his chest, paused, and then slapped him across the cheek. The Doctor worked his jaw in an attempt to alleviate some of the stinging pain as he rubbed a hand over his throbbing torso.

"What was that for?"

River bit her bottom lip and averted her gaze to anywhere other than him. Her voice was faint when she answered. "Scaring me."

The Doctor sighed. There was no way he could be mad at her when she was like that. Wrapping his arms around her he pulled her into a tight embrace. He felt the warmth of River's breath on his neck as she exhaled, relaxing into him. She looped one arm around his waist and left the other resting across his chest.

He dropped a kiss to her forehead. His lips lingered there as he spoke, murmuring against her skin. "I'm here now."

"You could have warned me." River grumbled into his collar, grabbing a fistful of his jacket and yanking on it to convey her annoyance.

He didn't respond for a minute, having become lost in the overpowering scent of her hair.

"You know we can't do that," he finally murmured when his wits had returned. "Foreknowledge—"

"—is dangerous." River rolled her eyes. "_I know_. That still doesn't excuse you giving me the biggest fright of my life."

True to the Doctor's predictions, the prison guards had arrived outside the TARDIS less than a minute after he'd shut the door, with scuffles and demands of surrender to show for their presence. He and River ignored the shouting, tiresome alarms and banging on the door as best they could. The minutes ticked by and River finally grew tired of the irritating noise. She stepped out of his embrace towards the console. The Doctor tried to hide his disappointment at the loss of her touch.

"I'm sorry for being selfish and saving the universe," he teased, in an attempt to lighten her mood. He sidled up beside her at the controls and bumped his hip against hers lightly.

River shot him an exasperated look. "I really wish you'd stop doing that."

He smiled. Good. She was playing along. "It's a hard habit to break."

"I can't lie, being Cleopatra…" she caught his gaze for a moment as she continued dematerialising the TARDIS, "that was fun."

"As I recall, you looked pretty good being her too," he said quietly, also shifting controls.

She ceased her movements to eye him. "I knew you were checking me out."

"You murdered my fez." He pulled the last lever necessary and held on as the TARDIS jerked into motion.

River skirted around him and the console, keeping herself upright by grasping various controls. Once within reaching distance she stretched out her arm to slam the stabilisers. The turbulence instantly settled.

"That bit was pretty good," she said, standing upright and straightening her clothes.

The Doctor chuckled, remembering the conversation in Amy's backyard that for him had happened two centuries before. "You were such a tease to me. What kind of an answer is yes?"

"It was a yes no question." River said, brow raised.

"That you still managed to twist."

"You were asking questions you knew I couldn't answer."

"I always do. And I probably won't ever stop."

"Spoilers."

The Doctor wasn't sure if she was reminding him of the rule or taunting him about his future.

River sank into the seat by the stairs, running her fingers through her hair and down her face. She took a deep breath before meeting his gaze. He was leaning against the control panel watching her.

"So, _did_ you dance?"

"Of course," he scoffed. "You should have come in. I would even have danced with you."

"_Even_?"Her eyebrows arched dangerously.

"That didn't come out right."

"Damn right. I didn't see you offering a swing in Amy's backyard."

"You don't dance in backyards."

"I've seen you dance in stranger places."

The Doctor smiled at her winsomely. River knew exactly what he was thinking. She could see the thoughts forming through the changes in his facial expression.

"No sweetie. I'm too tired."

His smile faded instantly. "Maybe later."

"You know," River sighed, staring vacantly through the glass floor beneath their feet, "growing up – when I was living in Leadworth. I was always so careful to avoid meeting you before Amy and Rory were married. Didn't want to dispose of you before I was born. Kinda needed you around for my conception. And that sounds _so wrong_."

She laughed hoarsely, collapsing back into the chair and dragging her fingers down her face.

"They didn't need me," the Doctor said earnestly, "they just needed the TARDIS."

"That you were flying."

Their gazes met fleetingly and the Doctor's hearts clenched at the traces of pain still visible in her eyes despite her carefully constructed mask.

"Standing there watching you hook yourself up to that godforsaken throne. I figured that was it. It was what I'd avoided. Amy would never have fallen pregnant, I wouldn't exist anymore. And I didn't even care. What would have been the point? Without you. And my god I sound like some hopeless needy ditz from a poorly written romance novel who can't survive a day without her love. I may as well shoot myself now."

"You'll never be hopeless or needy," he said hastily, striding over to stand a foot in front of her, "You're the most independent, self-sufficient woman I've ever known. There is a large difference between a relationship ending and one being erased from your very history."

She grunted incredulously. "Then time reset. And I was still here. I didn't know what to make of that. I soon realised the universe didn't either. One second I was by Lake Silencio, the next I was in Florida, New York, Luna University, Berlin, even ended up at Demon's Run. That kept happening until eventually I was in Leadworth. The universe resets the people of the world to where they ought to be… and I get _Leadworth_."

"The universe was right. It put you where you needed to be." He sat down beside her on the seat. Rather, given that it was only designed to fit one person, he pushed her to the side, nearly over onto the floor, and perched on the edge awkwardly. River stifled an amused grin as he placed a hand softly on hers over the diary.

"You needed to help Amy remember. You needed to give her your diary."

She laced their fingers together, turning her gaze from the diary to meet his. "You said the writing was back. And that you _didn't peek_."

"I didn't!"

"How could you have known the writing was there if you didn't open it?" Her eyebrows arched challengingly. The Doctor had the decency to look sheepish.

"So I had a quick peep. I didn't _read_ anything though."

"Sure." The expression she gave him perfectly conveyed her disbelief.

"How much did you remember?"

River stood quickly and walked to the console. She grasped the edge forcefully, steadying herself for a long moment before answering.

"Not enough," she murmured. "Flashes. Not much made sense though. I held on to as much as I could. But not enough." She exhaled loudly and stared at the time rotor that was humming to her comfortingly. "It really doesn't help when all you've got is a blank diary to look at. Just drives you mad, having memories that never happened. Even worse, I knew it wasn't real."

The Doctor picked up her diary from the seat where she left it and took it to her, pressing it into her hands. "It's full now."

River smiled gratefully. She stepped closer to him, wound her arms around his waist and nestled her cheek into his shoulder. The Doctor was proud with himself for only hesitating a second before drawing her closer.

She lingered in his embrace before smiling into his jacket. "Your smell."

"Oi! And you're rude!"

"No." River laughed, leaning back to smile crookedly up at him. "_Your_ smell. Not, you smell. I missed it, that's all."

The Doctor grinned mischievously. Grabbing hold of her hips he began to spin her around the console. To balance herself River's hands came up to rest on his chest, the diary she was still holding pressed between her palm and his left heart.

"What? No! Doctor, I said _no_." She planted her foot down firmly, halting them both. He pouted elaborately.

"But you went to a wedding and you didn't even dance. That is so very awfully tragic River."

"I do believe I coped perfectly fine."

"Not dancing at a wedding should be illegal. In fact it is, at a Zocci marriage ceremony you can be fined or even arrested for refusing to dance."

"So?" River questioned, brows arched, "I think you find me not having danced at a wedding more distressing than I do."

He pouted again. "Just a quickie?"

"Now sweetie, if I'm too tired to dance with you I can assure you I'm definitely too tired to _dance_ with you. Maybe after I've had a rest."

"No, I meant…" He scratched his blushing cheek.

"I know what your intention was. But you really should choose your words more carefully. You wouldn't want to get a girl's hopes up, would you?"

"You really don't want to dance," he murmured, eyes cast downward.

"Now you're catching on."

"Okay. If you really don't want to. I just… nothing. It doesn't matter. Forget it. No dancing it is." He shared a forced smile. River sighed. He looked as though she'd mortally wounded him.

"You just what?" she prodded. He shook his head vigorously. "Doctor."

"Maybe I… just a bit… wanted to… _wantedtodancewithyou."_

River resisted the urge to roll her eyes. It would only wound his ego more.

"All you had to do was say." She placed her diary down, resting it against the time rotor and stepped into the clearing between the control panel and the railing. "Ten seconds."

The Doctor's grin was so brilliantly ecstatic she couldn't help smiling back.

River was prepared for him to start gracelessly twirling her in circles again. What she wasn't prepared for was him cupping her cheeks and kissing her. The Doctor was pleased when she properly kissed him back, rather hungrily in fact, but none of her previous still-lips kissing farce.

"Now that's more like it." He smiled down at her, thumb skimming over her jaw. The soft smile she returned was too adorable for him to resist kissing her again, a quick peck this time.

"I thought you wanted to dance." River grinned teasingly.

"One thing at a time, wife. Need music." His eyes scanned the room for a moment before he stretched out a leg and kicked the console. There was a sharp jarring shrill from the TARDIS, a second later it was replaced by a symphony seemingly resonating from the walls.

River frowned disapprovingly.

"It got the job done didn't it?" He was unrepentant. Her frown didn't falter. He exhaled and turned to the console. "Sorry, dear. It won't happen again. Promise." As an afterthought he added, "Be quicker next time."

River's eyes turned heavenward.

She nearly lost her footing when he swiftly turned her on the spot.

"Give a girl some warning."

The Doctor smirked, drawing her into a closed dancing position, his left hand clasping her right while his other arm hugged her lower back. "Pay more attention."

She smiled crookedly, stepping enticingly close and placing her left arm across the back of his shoulder. "I'm all yours, sweetie. Go on, impress me."

Not being the kind to slowly ease into a dance he abruptly set them into motion, smiling when River didn't falter or miss a step. He wasn't shocked to find she was an exceptionally good dancer. She was River Song, after all. She could do anything. What he was surprised by was her not once attempting to take the lead, dominant woman that was.

He was extremely chuffed with himself when he caused her to giggle during one particularly energetic pirouette. Actually _giggle._ Not some laughter or mocking chuckles, giggles. He liked the noise so much he decided he wanted to hear more of it. To achieve his newfound mission he began tickling her, eventually sparking a fit of giggles, but also ending all further dancing. It took her threatening to ignite his hat room to get him to stop.

"I'd advise you sweetie _not _to try that again."

They both knew he would.

"Guess what River Song," the Doctor said as he grinned at her, "you just got to dance on your parents' wedding night. Not many people get to do that."

"Oh my god." River stepped away from him and covered her face with her hands. The Doctor's arms fell limp beside him, his expression concerned. The background music ceased playing of its own accord.

"What? What's wrong? I'm sorry—I think. Whatever I did—"

"No you idiot. I just said goodbye to you right before you ran off with Amy and Rory on their wedding night."

"Yes, we covered that."

"Doctor, somewhere in time, on this very TARDIS... I'm being conceived."

"Oh... oh. Ugh. Why River? Why would you tell me that? I can't..."

That certainly killed the mood.

"So in actual fact it's more like – I just danced with my husband on my parents wedding night, the night I was conceived. I think it's safe to assume that no one has done that before."

"Why? Eugh." He continued to stutter. "That thought… I'm sick."

"You're the one that brought it up." River collapsed onto the steps. He sat down next to her, suddenly feeling rather queasy.

"Your parents are disgusting." He caught River's harsh and inscrutable gaze and frowned with bewilderment. "What? They are!"

She continued to glare at him. The topic of conversation had jogged her memory of a matter she'd wanted to berate him for ever since Amy and Rory had returned from their honeymoon, long before she had even met him. For some reason, she'd never had the opportunity to broach the subject.

"Bunk beds. Really?"

"What?"

"You dropped them back home after your many awry attempts at a honeymoon present." She wacked him on the arm and the Doctor winced. As was one of her shortcomings, when agitated she forgot that the decent thing for a wife to do was to kindly soften a blow given to her husband.

"What's the first thing Amy's going to do? Run off and tell her best friend everything! Amy told me every last bloody detail about her _honeymoon_. And she was very vocal about her opinion of the bunk bed. She never shut up about the bunk bed. You know, that was more information than I ever needed to know about where I came from. And it's your fault!"

"How is it my fault?" He blinked, still massaging the bruise he knew was going to appear on his bicep.

"Because you're the one that gave them a bunk bed to sleep on in the first place!"

"Bunk beds are cool."

River screamed from frustration, leaping from the step and pacing about the place to calm down.

After a moment she looked around the room, realising there was a distinct lack of her parents. When she'd first come on board she assumed they were just be asleep. But with the amount of noise they had been making it was very unlike Amy and Rory to not have appeared yet to give a scolding.

"Are you travelling by yourself?"

"Everyone thinks I'm dead."

"Then the ruse is working." River murmured, absorbing the implications that he had unwittingly revealed. The little liar.

"Do you know how awfully boring retirement is?" he asked, looking up at her from the steps.

"Then take up knitting. Or basket weaving. Or pottery, woodwork – actually no don't, you'll chop your hand off. You could do anything. Scrapbooking, crochet, watercolours."

"What and paint you?"

"I'd just like to point out that was entirely _your_ suggestion." She pointed at him, her other hand resting on her hip.

"No!" He scrambled off the step, coming to stand in front of her, face flushed. "I didn't mean—not like—_River_!"

"Don't lie to me. That is exactly what you meant. Don't think I don't know about your short-lived life modelling career."

"Oh." The Doctor's eyes widened fearfully. "No. How did you?"

"I've got the painting." She smiled smugly.

"_What!_"

"It just kind of…" River trailed off, contemplating. She made a downwards gesture with her hand. "Fell into my possession."

"_Fell_?"

"Yes. Now, is that what you do in your free time? Get your kit off and pose for a poor young thing to paint an artless portrait of you? No wonder half the galaxy is in love with you. And since you had to, couldn't you have chosen a more refined artist? Or were they all too old for your tasting?"

He sputtered.

Without allowing him any time to recover, River moved on. She lifted her wrist to examine her vortex manipulator.

"What do you think of my new wheels? It's a lot lighter than it looks. I need to give it a few test runs, break it in."

His eyes widened as he impulsively reached out to touch the worn leather. "Cheap and nasty way to travel, I think. Did you just get it?"

She nodded. "Bought it off Dorium Maldovar, I believe you know him – well, when I say _bought_ more like subtly coerced."

The Doctor scoffed. As if she would ever be subtle about such a thing.

"I needed a way to track you since you wouldn't _answer your phone_."

He smiled weakly. She was too young. To only just be procuring the manipulator, she couldn't have been married more than a handful of years at most. She was far earlier in her timeline than he'd first thought. He felt a pang of guilt realising that even this young River was already encountering versions of him who didn't know her.

"Have you been to Utah?" He swallowed, not particularly keen on hearing the answer. She stared at him as if that were the single most ridiculous thing he'd ever asked her. It wasn't, of course.

"Sweetie, I'm in prison."

"No… that's not. Never mind."

"Oh." Her mouth hung open for a second before she nodded. "You mean the me on the beach. No, I haven't watched myself shoot you. Thanks for the reminder that I'll have to."

"Sorry," he grimaced.

"You damn should be. It's your fault."

He smiled self-deprecatingly. "Isn't everything?"

The warning glare River gave him conveyed perfectly that she was _not_ going to have that argument with him.

"Thanks for coming."

"I'll always come."

"I know. I should go." River lifted her hand to start inputting coordinates in her vortex manipulator. The Doctor seized hold of her wrist to stop her.

"Stay."

"I've had a long day. Literally. I need rest." She attempted to tug her arm from his grasp. His grip only tightened, eyes seeking hers pleadingly.

"Sleep here. I promise to not have any adventures until you wake up."

"Okay," she said finally and turned to leave. She stopped in the doorway, pivoting back to face him. Her arms were crossed and she was smirking at him knowingly. "You haven't been to see me on my first night in Stormcage yet have you?"

"Do I?"

"What, you weren't planning on it? Surely you haven't been intending to leave me all on my lonesome on the first night of such a _long_ sentence. You are the reason I'm there after all."

"Of course I was going to, I just haven't got to it yet. Things get in the way."

"You're avoiding it."

"You're hard work young." He admitted sheepishly, nervously watching out of the corner of his eye for her reaction. "I don't know what to do with you."

"No, _you're_ hard work young."

"You're better at it than me."

"You want a spoiler, my love?"

He shook his head. "Rules."

"Well too bad. I'm giving it to you. All you have to do is date me. Be a dear husband and woo your wife. You don't want older me to get all the fun do you?"

He didn't point out that while she might think she was far along in her timeline, she really wasn't, and she still had a long way to go before she could ever count as old.

"Younger me needs some time with you too. Otherwise, who knows? I might get bored and find someone else to play with."

His eyes widened. That was a horrific thought. "How did you know? That I hadn't been."

"Oh, there's just something missing that's all." He opened his mouth to ask what. "Spoilers. How long has it been since we got married? Exactly."

"Three and a half months." He mumbled, unable to look her in the eye.

She laughed. "Oh Doctor. And I was always under the impression you came only a matter of days or weeks after I 'killed' you. You bad man. What you'd really been doing is cavorting with my older self. It's funny how illusions are shattered as one ages."

"You aren't mad?" he asked tentatively.

"The only thing I'm mad at you about today is the fact you temporarily erased yourself from my memory."

In three big strides he was up the stairs and standing inches from her face, eyes determined. "Go to bed."

"Come again?" River blinked.

"We have adventures to be had River Song. _New_ memories to be made. And we can't do that until you're well rested. I need you in tiptop shape." He tapped her on the nose.

"Will you come too?" Despite her steady voice he could see the uncertainty in her eyes, unsure if she'd overstepped the mark – if he was still too early in his timeline. In that moment he could see the very same River that stood across from him on a beach in Utah and on top of a pyramid in a world where time happened all at once. Young and so insecure.

"If you want," he answered softly.

She smiled, relief flooding her eyes. "Oh, I've missed you."


End file.
